Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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