btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
