I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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