I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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