You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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