Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it glows. i had to have it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
