my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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