i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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