did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
