Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
