NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
