I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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