If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
