What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
