I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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