I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
