if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
