my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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