Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
