I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
