we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
