There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
