she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
