I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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