if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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