They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
