I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
