this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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