shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
