Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
