Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
