My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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