I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
