I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
