uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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