are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
