How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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