That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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