I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
