I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
