Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
