every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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