dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
