woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
