yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You pole danced in your parka.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
