Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
