dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
