Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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