Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
