a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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