The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My vagina just recognized that song.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
