She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
