i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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