I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
