oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
