Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
