just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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