As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
