On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
